I was sitting in a bar one day and…

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?” One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!” So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales...

Vodka please

“A vodka please!” “Ma’am, this is a McDonald’s.” “Yeah, yeah, alright. McVodka then.”

Please help me doc. I have this horrible blinking…

A guy goes to the doctor: “Please help me doc. I have this horrible blinking in my right eye that I just can’t control.” Doctor: “Ah come on, it’s not so bad as you think.” Guy: “Oh, you think?! Every time I go to the pharmacy to get some painkillers, they give me...

I’m offering…

A boss announces to his staff: “I’ve lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I’m offering a 100 dollars finder’s fee!” A voice in the background says: “I’m offering 200!”