man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, “You can’t bring
that dog in here.” “You don’t understand,” says the man. “This is no
regular dog, he can talk.”
“Listen, pal,” says the bartender. “If that dog can talk, I’ll give
you a hundred bucks. “The man puts the dog
on a stool, and asks him, “What’s on top of a house?”
And what’s on the outside of a tree?” “Bark!”
“And who’s the greatest baseball player of all time?” “Ruth!” “I guess
you’ve heard enough,” says the man. “I’ll take the hundred in
twenties.” The bartender is furious. “Listen, pal,” he says, “get out
of here before I belt you.” As soon as they’re on the street, the dog
turns to the man and says, “Do you think I should have said
teacher asks her students if they’re Yankees fans. All of the hands go
up except for one student. “Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?”
“The Red Sox.” “Why’s that?” “Well, my
parents are both Red Sox fans, so I’m a Red Sox fan too.” “That’s not
a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, would you be a
moron too?” “No, that would make me a Yankees fan!”
What is the difference between Yankee fans and dentists?
A: One roots for the yanks, and the other yanks for the roots.
Why is it so hot at Phillies games?
A: Because there’s not a fan in the place.
How many American Football players does it take to change a light
A: The entire team! And they all get a semester’s credit for it!
What do Tornados and Dallas Cowboy fans have in common?
A: Sooner or later, they’ll both end up in trailer parks!
Why did the American Football team go to the phone booth?
A: To get their quarter back.
What beverage do football players drink?
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
A: Because it heard the referee was blowing fouls.
Fish and a piano
Q. What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
A. You can’t tuna fish.
Fishing in a frozen lake
It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake,
cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited
patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even
a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in
the ice next to him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and
minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn’t
believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. Shortly
thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young
boy kept catching fish after fish.
Finally, the old man couldn’t
take it any longer. “Son” he said, “I’ve been here for over an hour
without even a nibble. You’ve been here only a few minutes and have
caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?” The boy responded, “Roo
raf roo reep ra rums rrarm.” “What was that?” the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm.” “Look,”
said the old man, “I can’t understand a word you’re saying.” The boy
spat the bait into his hand and said… “You have to keep the worms