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Find our set of funny Food Jokes below! We have question jokes! Riddle jokes! Knock knock jokes! And more!

What does a baby computer call his father? Data.

Did you hear about the witch who had the ugliest baby in the world? She didn’t push the pram – she pulled it.

What was the policeman’s baby’s first words? Hallo, Hallo, Hallo!

Knock knock. Who’s there? Baby Owl. Baby Owl who? Baby Owl see you later, baby not.

How can you tell if a snake is a baby snake? It has a rattle.

On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack.

The snack bar next door to an atom smasher was called “The Fission Chips.”

A new chef from India was fired a week after starting the job. He keep favoring curry.

A couple of kids tried using pickles for a Ping-Pong game. They had the volley of the Dills.

The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.

A friend got some vinegar in his ear, now he suffers from pickled hearing.

Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.

Sign in restaurant window: “Eat now – Pay waiter.”

I thought you were trying to get into shape? I am. The shape I’ve selected is a triangle.

When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. “Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?”
“Why, it’s bean soup,” she replied. “I don’t care what it has been,” he sputtered. “What is it now?”

In February 1994 in New Brighton, Minn., a 32-year-old man and his 24-year-old girlfriend were arrested after a food fight in a grocery store. After arguing loudly, the couple began throwing sweet potatoes at each other. Eventually, the man allegedly threw the woman into several vegetable racks, sending the contents spilling to the floor. As both continued to brawl on the floor, she allegedly stuffed lettuce into the man’s mouth.

Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat? Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during meals! Mother: Why did you say that, Junior? Why did you ask the question? Johnny: It’s because I saw one on daddy’s lettuce, but now it’s gone.

An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. “Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area.”
“Heck, Gloria,” the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, “we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn’t heard about all that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets!”

Q: Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water? A: Just spell “Evian” backwards!

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted. “No bills larger than $20 will be accepted.” The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, “Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn’t be eating here.”

The American tourist in Dublin had been complaining a great deal about the food. “Here,” he said to the waitress holding out a piece of meat for inspection, “do you call that pig?”
“Which end of the fork, sir?” the waitress asked sweetly.

A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. “Give me a corned beef sandwich,” he ordered. “Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special.”
“What’s a Midnight Special?”
“A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, on toasted raisin bread.”
“Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it to me on a plate?”
“Why, sure!” Then, turning to the sandwich man, he sang out: “One Midnight Special. Make it one deck, hold the tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, and make the raisin bread white, untoasted!”

What are the four food groups? For bachelors: Fast, Frozen, Junk and Spoiled. For drinkers: Malt, Hops, Barley and Yeast. For heavies: Caffeine, Fat, Sugar, Chocolate.

At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything. When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked: ‘Is this pig?’ Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: ‘Which end of the fork are you referring to?’

“May I take your order?” the waiter asked. “Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?”
“Nothing special sir,” he replied. “We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.”

Q. What’s worse than finding a worm in the apple you’re eating? A. Finding half a worm.

What is the title of the new Vietnamamese cookbook? 100 way to wok your dog.

What’s red and invisible? No tomatoes.

Why did the grape cross the road? To get away from the grapefruit.

What’s the difference between a homeless and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.

What ghost is handy in the kitchen? A recipe spook.

I’d say he was spineless. Yes, about as spineless as cooked spaghetti.

What sort of soup do skeletons like? One with plenty of body in it.

How do you make gold soup? Put 14 carrots in it.

Don’t eat the cookies so fast they’ll keep. I know, but I want to eat as many as I can before I lose my appetite!

What are apricots? Where monkeys sleep.

What’s the best day to eat bacon? Fry-day.

What is small, furry and smells like bacon? A hamster.

What’s the difference between a biscuit and a monster? You can dip a biscuit in your tea, but a monster is too big to fit in the cup.

Why did the biscuit cry? Because its mother had been a wafer so long.

Have you got any broken biscuits? Yes, I have. Well, you shouldn’t be so clumsy!

What did the biscuit say when it saw two friends knocked down? Crumbs!

Why did your brother give up his job in the biscuit factory? Because he went crackers.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a slice of bread. Doctor: You’ve got to stop loafing around.

Did you hear about the teacher who was trying to instil good table manners in her girls? She told them that a well brought girl never crumbles her bread or rolls in her soup.

They say she has a sharp tongue. Yes, she can slice bread with it.

Have you heard the story about the loaf of bread? No. Oh, crumbs.

Why can’t you make bread like my mother? I would if you could make dough like your father!

What looks just like half a loaf of bread? Its other half.

Two flies were on a cornflakes packet. “Why are we running so fast?” asked one. “Because,” said the second, “it says ‘tear along the dotted line’!”

Two flies were on a cornflakes packet. “Why are we running so fast?” asked one. “Because,” said the second, “it says ‘tear along the dotted line’!”

What do cannibals eat for breakfast? Buttered host.

How do you know that a elephant’s been in the fridge? There are foot prints in the butter. “

And what’s your name?” the secretary asked the next new boy. “Butter.”
“I hope your first name’s not Roland,” smirked the secretary. “No, ma’am. It’s Brendan.”

Fred wrote in her homework book: Margarine is butter made from imitation cows.

Fred! What did I say I’d do if I found you with your fingers in the butter again? That’s funny, Mom. I can’t remember either.

What do you call two rows of cabbages? A dual cabbageway!

Mummy! Mummy! Have you seen my Cabbage Patch Doll? Be quiet and finish your coleslaw!

My Aunt Maud had so many candles on her last birthday cake that all her party guests got sunburnt!

What’s the fastest cake in the world? Meriiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnngue.

Flo: Try some of my sponge cake. Joe: It’s a bit tough. Flo: That’s strange. I only bought the sponge from the chemist this morning.

Girl: Did you like that cake, Mrs Jones? Mrs Jones: Yes, very much. Girl: That’s funny. My mom said you didn’t have any taste.

What cake wanted to rule the world? Attila the Bun.

What did the snake say when he was offered a piece of cheese for dinner? Thank you, I’ll just have a slither.

What musical instrument goes with cheese? Picklelo.

Fred: I thought there was a choice for lunch today. . Cook: There is. Fred: No, there isn’t. There’s only cheese pie. Cook: You can choose to eat it or leave it.

What cheese is made backwards? Edam.

Say something soft and sweet to me. Dracula: Marshmallows, chocolate fudge cake…

Mom: Fred, there were two chocolate cakes in the larder yesterday, and now there’s only one. Why? Fred: I don’t know. It must have been so dark I didn’t see the other one.

I went to see my doctor to see if he could help me give up smoking. What did he say? He suggested that every time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a bar of chocolate. Did that do any good? No – I can’t get the chocolate to light.

Boy: What’s black, slimy, with hairy legs and eyes on stalks? Mom: Eat the cookies and don’t worry about what’s in the tin.

An irate woman burst into the baker’s shop and said, “I sent my son in for two pounds of cookies this morning but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest you check your scales.” The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied, “Ma’am, I suggest you weigh your son.”

Jimmy, how many more times must I tell you to come away from that cookie tin? No more, mom. It’s empty.

What’s the difference between a vampire and a cookie? You can’t dip a vampire in your tea.

Three cookies were crossing the road when the first one was knocked down. What did the third cookie say as he reached the pavement in safety? Crumbs!

How does a witch make scrambled eggs? She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright.

At a party, a conjurer was producing egg after egg from a little boy’s ear. “There!” he said proudly. “I bet your Mum can’t produce eggs without hens, can she?”
“Oh yes, she can,” said the boy. “She keeps ducks.”

What happens if you play tabletennis with a bad egg? First it goes ping, then it goes pong.

My brother’s on a seafood diet. Really? Yes, the more he sees food the more he eats.

A tourist walked into a fish and chip shop in Ireland. “I’ll have fish and chips twice,” he orders. “Sure, I heard you the first time,” came the reply.

What’s red and green and wears boxing gloves? A fruit punch.

Teacher: If you saw me standing by a witch, what fruit would it remind you of? Pupil: A pear.

First boy: She had a beautiful pair of eyes, her skin had the glow of a peach, her cheeks were like apples and her lips like cherries – that’s my girl. Second boy: Sounds like a fruit salad to me.

Why did the teacher have her hair in a bun? Because she had her nose in a hamburger.

What do you get if you cross a bee with a quarter of a pound of ground beef? A humburger.

When Lee ate raw onions for a week what did he become? Lone Lee.

Why are fried onions like a photocopy machine? They keep repeating themselves.

What did the female mushroom say about the male mushroom? “He’s a real fun guy [fungi].”

An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. “Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area.”
“Heck, Gloria,” the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, “we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn’t heard about all that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets!”

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, “Ketchup!”

What did the ice cream say to the unhappy cake? “Hey, what’s eating you?”

A fat girl went into a cafe and ordered two slices of apple pie with four scoops of ice cream cover with lashings of raspberry sauce and piles of chopped nuts. ‘Would you like a cherry on the top?’ asked the waitress. ‘No, thanks,’ said the girl, ‘I’m on a diet!’

Camper: There’s something wrong with my hot dog. Cook: Don’t tell me. I’m not a veterinarian.

How can you tell the difference between a can of chicken soup and a can of tomato soup? Read the label.

What food are you able to can? Cannibal (can able) food.

What food is good for the brain? Noodle soup.

Why are oranges like bells? You can peel (peal) both of them.

How can you make a soup rich? Add 14 carrots (carats) to it.

What could you do if you were on a desert island without food or water? Open your watch: drink from the spring, and eat the sand which is (sandwiches) there.

If there were no food left, what could people do? Country people could eat their forest preserves and city people could have their traffic jams.

What do you get if you cross an alien and a hot drink? Gravi-tea!

Knock Knock Who’s there! Bacon! Bacon who? Bacon a cake for your birthday!

Knock Knock Who’s there! Bean! Bean who? Bean working very hard today!

Knock Knock Who’s there! Beef! Beef who? Beef fair now!

Knock Knock Who’s there! Butter! Butter who? Butter wrap up – it’s cold out here!

WIFE: The 2 things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie. HUSBAND: Which is this?

WIFE: “You look tired, honey. How about a nice steak, mashed potatoes and an apple pie for dessert?” HUSBAND: “No thanks. I’m too tired. Let’s just eat at home.”

Q: What what can you make from baked beans and onions? A: Tear gas.

Several women were discussing what they should have for dinner. “If you’re watching your weight,” came one suggestion, “those diet frozen dinners are good.” The man then added: “But get two. They’re small.”

Do you feel like a glass of carrot juice? Why? Do I look like one?

Would you like a duck egg for supper? Only if you quack it for me.

What vegetable needs a plumber? A leek.

What’s a fresh vegetable? One that insults a farmer.

Did you hear about the two peanuts walking in the woods? One was “a-salted.”

Q: What did one strawberry say to the other? A:”Look at the jam you’ve gotten us into!”

Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta.

What do you call an egg from outer space? An unidentified flying omelet!

What’s a doll’s favorite food? Barbie-Q!

Q: What do you call cheese that’s not yours? A: Nacho cheese!

Q.Why did the cookie go to the doctor? A. He was feeling crummy!

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