Q: Why did the tin man from Oz eat artichokes?
A: He wanted a heart!
Q: What did the mother ghost tell the baby ghost when she ate too fast?
A: Stop goblin your food.
Q: What do cats call mice on skateboards?
A: Meals on Wheels.
Q: Why did the student eat his homework?
A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
Q: What’s in an astronaut’s favourite sandwich?
A: Launch meat.
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a Jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin pi.
Q: Why can’t you tell secrets in the farmer’s garden?
A: Because the corn has ears and the potatoes have eyes.
Q: What starts with ‘t’ ends with ‘t’ and is full of ‘t’?
A: A teapot.
Q: Why did the man stare at the can of orange juice?
A: Because it said ‘concentrate’.
Q: Why did the tomato turn red?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing.
Q: Why did the donut go to the dentist?
A: Because it needed a chocolate filling.
Q: Did the grape cry when someone stepped on it?
A: No, it just let out a little wine.
Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
A: Because it felt crummy.
Q: Why kind of food should you eat to increase your vision?
Q: What do you get if you throw two banana peels on the floor?
A: A pair of slippers.
Q: Why didn’t the butter take the part in the new movie?
A: Because it didn’t like the roll it was being offered.
Q: How do you fix a broken pizza?
A: Tomato paste.
Q: Why is the mushroom always invited to parties?
A: Because he is a fungi (fun guy).
Q: What would you get if Miss Piggy and Jackie Chan got married and had kids?
A: Pork chops.
Q: Why did the raisin go to the dance with the prune?
A: Because he couldn’t get a date.
Q: How do you turn a pumpkin into another vegetable?
A: Throw it up into the air, and it will come down squash.
Q: What kind of lettuce was served on the Titanic?
Q: What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their daughter?
Q: What did one strawberry say to the other?
A: If you weren’t so fresh, we wouldn’t be in this jam.
Q: What is a tree’s favourite drink?
A: Root beer.
Q: What do you call a stolen yam?
A: A hot potato
Q: What do you get when you put three ducks in a box?
A: A box of quackers.
Q: What do people who really don’t know how to cook that well make for dinner every night?
Q: What did the hungry computer eat?
A: Chips, one byte at a time.
Q: What did one steak knife say to the other?
A: Look sharp, here comes the meat.
Q: What does the bat eat its dinner on?
A: Home plate, and it has a ball.
Q: What did the cannibal order for take-out?
A: Pizza, with everyone on it.
Q: What do astronauts eat their food on?
A: Satellite Dishes.
Q: What happens when you tell an egg a joke?
A: It cracks up.
Q: How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?
A: With a pumpkin patch.
Q: What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert?
A: No thanks, I’m stuffed.
Q: Why don’t they serve chocolate in prison?
A: Because it makes you break out!
Q: What happened to the hamburger that missed too much school?
A: He had to stay after school to ketchup.
Q: What kind of cake do you get at a fast food restaurant?
A: A stomach cake.
Q: What do you get when 354 blueberries try to go through the door at the same time?
A: A Blueberry Jam!
Q: What do you call a package of cheddar that isn’t yours?
A: Nacho cheese!
Q: What cheese is made backwards?
Q: What is the best thing about a banana?
A: Its appeal!
Q: What did baby corn say to mommy corn?
A: Where’s popcorn?
Q: What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
A: Boy! I’m stuffed!
Q: If ten carrots & a cabbage ran a race, who would win?
A: The cabbage, because it is always a head and the carrots are just a silly bunch!
Q: What do firefighters always put in their soup?
Q: Did you hear the joke about the watermelon?
A: It’s pit-iful!
Q: Is it true that Ronald McDonald and Wendy are getting married?
A: Yes, he gave her an onion ring!
Q: Where was the first donut made?
A: In Grease!
Q: How much does an average catfish weigh before it is cooked?
A: I don’t know, they don’t have any scales.
A Little Bit Longer
A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. “I don’t feel so good – what’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, “you’re not eating properly.”
A ham and cheese sandwich and a banana walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
A Zen buddhist walks into a pizza parlour and says, “Make me one with everything.”
A friend and I were standing in a line at the fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted that read, “No bills larger than $20 will be accepted.” The woman in front of us, pointed to the sign and remarked, “Believe me, if I had a bill larger than a twenty, I wouldn’t be eating here.”
“Hey, I finally trained my dog not to beg at the table,” Sheila told her friend Judy. “Really, how did you do that,” Sheila asked? “Simple, I let him taste my cooking.”
The customer asked, “Do you serve crabs here?” “Yessir,” replied the waiter, “we’ll serve anybody here.”
Truck Driver: “Hi, is your name Jello?”
Hitchhiker: “Um, no, it’s Dave.”
Truck Driver: “Too bad…cause there’s always room for Jello!”
The warden, addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot, said, “I would like to know two things.” “First, why did you revolt?” “Second, how did you get out of your cell?” One of the three men stepped forward, “Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful.” “I see. And just what did you use to break the cell bars?,” the warden asked. Replied the spokesman for the prisoners, “The meat loaf.”
Corey was furious when his steak arrived too rare. “Waiter,” he shouted, “Didn’t you hear me say ‘well done’?” “I can’t thank you enough, sir,” replied the waiter. “We hardly ever get compliments here.”
A friend got some vinegar in his ear and now he has pickled hearing.
Donovan was driving down a gravel grid road in his pickup truck when suddenly a chicken darted into the road in front of him. He slammed on his brakes, but realized that the chicken was speeding off down the road at about 30 miles an hour. Intrigued, he tried to follow the bird with his truck, but he couldn’t catch up to the accelerating chicken. Seeing it turn into a small farm’s driveway, Donovan followed it. To his astonishment, he realized that the chicken had three legs. Looking around the small farm yard, he noticed that ALL of the chickens had three legs. The farmer came out of his house, and Donovan said, “Three-legged chickens? That’s astonishing!” The farmer replied, “Yup. I bred ’em that way because the family just loves drumsticks.” Donovan was curious. “How does a three-legged chicken taste?” The farmer smiled. “Dunno. we haven’t been able to catch one yet.”
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened a box of animal crackers and spread them out all over the table. “What are you doing?” his mother asked. “The box says not to eat them if the seal is broken” the boy explained. “I’m looking for the seal.”
A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law for Christmas dinner. As he arrived at their house he found his young nephew, Mikey, helping his mom bake some cupcakes. After they had come out of the oven and had cooled, Mikey’s mom allowed him to put the icing on the cupcakes while she visited with her brother-in-law. When the boy had finished, he brought a plate of them to where his mom and uncle were chatting in the living room. “The cupcakes look delicious, Mike.” his uncle said. He took a bite and said, “Mikey these are the best cupcakes I ever ate.” As he finished a cupcake and took another, he again complimented his little nephew. “The cupcakes look beautiful, Mikey,” “How did you get the icing so neat and smooth?” His nephew replied, “It was easy. I just licked them.” The uncle turned a litle pale. He pointed to the plate of cupcakes. “You licked every one of them?” Mikey replied, “Well no.” “After a while my tongue got tired, so I got Sparky and Fluffy to help!”
Waitress: “Would you like to try a slice of Egyptian Pie for dessert?”
Customer: “What’s Egyptian pie”
Waitress: “You know, the kind your mummy used to make!”