A bad joke is just a bad joke, but sometimes a joke is so jaw-droppingly stupid that it transcends its own awfulness and reaches a higher plane of funny. You don’t want to laugh—every self-respecting part of your brain is rejecting the guffawing impulse—but you can’t help yourself.
Now, it’s been a long year of bad news, so let’s all take a much-needed reprieve and enjoy (or cringe in horror at) some bad jokes terrible enough to be funny. Call them “dad jokes” if you must, but it’s not just dads who love a good groaner.
Do not read it.
Not only that, but it’s also terrible.
He needed his space.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
So I’m going home for the hollandaise.
And for more culinary hilarity, check out these 40 Food Puns That Are Absolutely Egg-squisite!
Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.
‘Cause the cow’s got the udder!
He felt his presents.
There would be mass confusion!
It’s a faux pa.
“Robin, get in the car.”
But it’s only mild.
Because it’s pointless!
He was outstanding in his field.
Probably why I got run over.
That’s just how I roll.
A blue bucket painted red.
They have anty-bodies.
To go with the traffic jam.
When it’s actually ajar.
…and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
A pool table.
… unless everyone gets it.
Dinner is on me!
Because the pee is silent.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
It’s making headlines.
A polar bear!
I feel like it’s only holding me back.
They each got six months.
… so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
Probably not, they haven’t had a gig yet.
A small medium at large.
… but then it grew on me.
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
… but then I turned myself around.
They were basically swimming.
Then how’d you get your foot in it?
But when he rounded them up, he had 50.
But the reception was amazing.
Because it was too tired.
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
One asks the others, “How do you drive this thing?”
Because they’re shellfish.
By reading a catalogue.
They take things so literally.
It doesn’t matter. They’re all eggcellent.
Everything will work out.
Pretty much anyone. (Houses can’t jump.)
Neither one can drive.
He wanted to stake his claim.
You think one of them would’ve seen it.
A garbage truck.
That trip was so in tents.
That’s the punchline.
Depresso. And if you’re looking to fix that, just check out these 25 Coffee Puns Guaranteed to Mocha You Smile!
“Stay out of those places!”
Up his sleevies.
“It’s not you, it’s a-me, Mario!”
A little plaque.
I’m in glove with you.
50 Cent plus Nickelback.
Nothing, they fast.
The guardians of the galaxy.
Those of us who are good at math, and those of us who aren’t.
Because it lifts their spirits.
Whittle by whittle.
He was picking his nose.
A waist of time.
Just take away the “s!”
Just follow the fresh prints!
It went back four seconds.
You can call him whatever you want, he’s still not coming.
“Hey, you want to see how far I can kick this bucket?”
A can’t opener.
He took a couple days off!
Because he always gets a hole in one!
It’s fine, he eventually woke up!
Well, now, all of them.
She just thought it was remarkable!
So I replied, “No it doesn’t.”
Because then it’d be a foot.
I’m not sure, but the flag is a big plus!
Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.
Anna one, Anna two.
They’re always up to something.
Never mind, it’s tearable.
When it’s apparent!
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