Will and Guy’s Funny Food Stories
Here is our collection of amusing stories involving waiters, waitresses,
pizza, eggs and more types of food.
Allegedly True Food Story From The USA
- How do you like your chicken?
- Funny Foody Stories
- New Curry Menu
- Did You Know? – Funny
agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up
quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlour with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.
The following telephone conversation took place and
was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital:
Agent: Hello. I’d like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
Pizza Man: And where would you like
Agent: We’re over at the psychiatric hospital.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That’s right. I’m an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You’re an FBI agent?
Agent: That’s correct.
Just about everybody here is.
Pizza Man: And you’re at the psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That’s correct. And make sure you don’t go through the front doors. We have them locked. You’ll have to go around to
the back service entrance to deliver the pizzas.
Pizza Man: And you say you’re all FBI agents?
Agent: That’s right. How soon can you have them here?
Pizza Man: Everyone at the psychiatric hospital is
an FBI agent?
Agent: That’s right. We’ve been here all day and we’re starving.
Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?
Agent: I have my chequebook right here.
Pizza Man: And you’re all
Agent: That’s right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.
Pizza Man: I don’t think
More Funny Food Stories
I’ve always ordered my soft drinks in a simple way, e.g. ‘A Coke, please.’
Lately, though, this hasn’t seemed to work. Waitresses now often
respond, ‘I’m sorry, we don’t have Coke. We have Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, Hartridges, Virgin Cola, Sprite and Red Bull.’
Exhausted by listening to the long list of soft drinks, I thought I’d
make life easier. So one day I simply asked the snack bar staff at a cinema for a ‘dark, cold, carbonated beverage.’
The young man behind the counter smiled and asked, ‘Yes sir, and would you like a long,
thin, cylindrical plastic sucking device with that?’
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals, I am a vegetarian because
I hate plants.
A Whitney Brown.
Cream Not Smooth Enough
Manuel Oliveira owned an ice cream shop in Mérida, Venezuela; and he reported that he sold 567 flavours, including onion, chilli, beer, eggplant [aubergine], smoked trout, spaghetti and parmesan, chicken
with rice, and spinach. He said some flavours fail; he once abandoned avocado ice cream, and tossed out 99 pounds of it, because it wasn’t smooth enough.
And How Do You Like Your Chicken?
Victor saw a sign in the window of Barney’s Restaurant, Droitwich Spa, UK, that read ‘Unusual Breakfast’. Always an adventurous eater, Victor went in and sat down. The waitress brought him his pot of tea and
asked him what he wanted to eat.
‘What’s does your unusual breakfast include?’ he asked politely.
‘Baked tongue of chicken!’ she replied with a grin.
‘Baked tongue of chicken?… baked tongue of
chicken! Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken’s mouth!’ Victor cried.
Undaunted, the waitress asked, ‘What would you like then?’
‘Oh, just bring me some scrambled eggs,’ Victor replied.
Tale of the Food Survey
Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question
“Could you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food
shortage in the rest of the world?”
The survey was a massive failure for the following reasons:
- In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant;
- In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant;
- In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant;
- In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant;
- In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant;
- In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant;
- In the USA they didn’t know what “the rest of the world”
- In the UK they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian
Kindly sent in by Jenny & Les Simmonds
A Tasty Snack?
UK border officials detained a 22 year old man from Burkina Faso for
trying to smuggle 94 kilos (over 200 pounds) of dried caterpillars through
customs. His excuse? He thought it would be OK as they were food for
Unlike the 47 year old from Togo who, when it was discovered that he had
33 pounds of live, fuzzy caterpillars in his suitcase, tried to eat as many
as possible to show that they were harmless. He added that they were a snack
that he was addicted to.
In some countries caterpillars are considered a delicacy……I’ll stick
New Curry Menu
Will has a particular love of spicy food as his mother came from Sri Lanka [Ceylon] and he lived there in the
1950’s; so he was pleased to find this amusing pop chart using well known ‘curry’ terms. You may be able to add to the list; if so, please contact us.
Pop music: The Curry Charts :
35. Poppadum Preach –
34. Korma Chameleon – Culture Club
33. Bhaji Trousers – Madness
32. King Prawn Massala Drinks Are Free – Wham
31. Dansak Queen – Abba
30. Korma People – Pulp
29. Tikka Chance On
Me – Abba
28. When I Phall in Love – Nat King Cole
27. You Can’t Curry Love – Diana Ross and the Supremes
26. Korma Police – Radiohead
25. Things Can Only Get Bhuna – D:Ream
24. Tears On My
Pilau – Kylie Minogue
23. It’s Bhuna Hard Days Night – The Beatles
22. Brothers in Naans – Dire Straits
21. Girlfriend in a Korma – The Smiths
20. Pilau Talk – Doris Day
19. It’s My Chapati
and I Cry If I Want To ? – Dave Stewart/Barbara Gaskin
18. I’m a Bhaji Girl – Aqua
17. Sag Aloo – Black Lace
16. Take That and Chapati – Take That
15. Bhuna Round The World and I Can’t Find My
Bhaji ? – Lisa Stansfield
14. I Don’t Want To Dansak – Eddie Grant
13. Dansak on the Ceiling – Lionel Richie
12. We Are Jalfrezi – Sister Sledge
11. Vindaloo – Abba
10. I Don’t Want to Go to
Chutney ? Elvis Costello
9. Rice Rice Baby – Vanilla Rice
8. Jalfrezi Jalfrezi Nights – Kiss
7. Tandoori Deliver – Adam and the Ants
6. Love me Tandoor – Elvis Presley
5. We Don’t Have to
Tikka Clothes Off ? Jermaine Jackson
4. Bye Bye Balti – Bay City Rollers
3. Bhuna to be Wild – Steppenwolf
2. Livin’ Dhal – Cliff Richard
1. Raita Here, Raita Now – Fatboy Slim
Surprise your guests with this knowledge:
- Onions, asparagus, daffodils, yams, hyacinths, garlic, leeks,
tulips, chives and the Joshua tree of California [which can grow to be
40 feet tall] are all types of lily.
- Raspberries, blackberries, strawberries, cherries, plums, apples and
pears are all kinds of rose.
- The average chocolate bar has 8 insects’ legs in it.
- The United Kingdom eats more cans of baked beans than the rest of
the world combined.
- There is more real lemon juice in Lemon Pledge furniture polish than
in Country Time Lemonade.
- Within two hours of standing in daylight, milk loses between half
and two-thirds of its vitamin B content.
- The world’s oldest known recipe is for beer.
- There are about 100,000 bacteria in one litre of drinking water.
- The estimated number of M and M’s sold each day in the United States
- Apparently Spain has a wider range of foods flavoured with almonds
than any other country in the world.
Please send us your funny food story.