Sports Jokes, Athlete Humor, Winning Puns

Sports Humor, Winning Puns, Coached Jokes
(‘Cause Pro Sports Stats Are Too Common While Jock Humor and Athletic Jokes Are NOT Mainstream Enough!)

Q. Why couldn’t the gorilla run in the marathon?
A. Because he’s not part of the human race!

Q. What did the hotdog say when it won the marathon?
A. I’m a Wiener!

Q. How do insanely fast runners go through the forest?
A. They take the psychopath!

Q. Why did the coach lecture the locker room vending machine at halftime?
A. He wanted his quarter back.

Q. What was Dracula’s title after he won out over his bloody stiff sportsman competitors?
A. The Champ-ire!

Q. What do you call a pro boxer who pouts after being badly beaten?
A. A sore loser.

Q. What do you get when you cross a bodybuilder and a peeping Tom?
A. Amazing Peeks

Q. What do you call a donkey on steroids?
A. Ass-teroid.

Q. How does a physicist exercise?
A. By pumping ion!

If anabolic steroids cause erectile dysfunction, just say NO to drugs!

Q. What are successful kickers always trying to achieve?
A. Real goals!

Q. Why don’t grasshoppers attend many soccer games?
A. They prefer cricket matches!

Q. Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team?
A. Because she ran away from the ball!

Q. What do you get when you cross a running back and the Invisible Man?
A. Scoring like no one has ever seen!

Q. Why was a tiny ghost invited to play on the football squad?
A. They needed a little team spirit.

Q. When should football players wear armor?
A. Only when they play knight games.

Q. Why were the pro tennis player’s neighbors so upset?
A. Because she always made such a big racquet.

Q. How can you tell your tennis opponent isn’t happy with your serve?
A. He keeps returning it!

Did you hear about the tennis ball and battery that got into a fight? The battery was charged and the tennis ball is waiting to go to court.

A book never written: How To Win the Olympics by Vick Tori.

Q. Why couldn’t the olympian listen to music?
A. Because he broke the record!

A book never written: The Olympic Trials by Will E. Qualify

Q. Why won’t Cinderella ever medal at the Olympics?
A. She has a pumpkin for a coach, plus she runs away from the ball.

Gym pick-up line: You must be a track star because you’ve been running through my mind all day!

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money.

Workout Wisecrack: Remember, your brain needs exercise, too. So, spend lots of time thinking up excuses not to work out.

Gym pick-up line: Hey girl, let’s do lunge!

Did you realize that Dr. Frankenstein was actually the first bodybuilder?

Marathon pun readers suffer in agony, as well. Ouch!

Q. What did the blonde runner drink when she was in last place?
A. Ketchup.

Did you hear about the blonde marathon runner who ran for an hour, but only ran two feet? Well, Duh! She only had two feet!

Q. Who was the fastest runner of all time?
A. Adam. He was the first in the human race.

Q. Why was the magician such a great hockey player?
A. Because he always had a hat trick!

Q. Why do hockey player work in bakeries during the off season?
A. Because they’re great at icing!

Q. What do angry hockey players say after getting tripped?
A. No More Mister Ice Guy!

Q. What does a skeleton drive into a hockey game?
A. The Zam-Bony!

Gnome fishing? For what?

Q. Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing?
A. Just for the halibut!

Q. What do romantic fishermen sing on a romantic date?
A. Salmon Chanted Evening…

Q. What is a trout’s main goal?
A. To keep his daughter off the pole.

Q. What do you call a small fish magician?
A. A magic carpet.

Q. Why did the guy who stinks at golf still play every weekend?
A. To bug his wife; she thinks he’s out having fun.

Q. What’s the difference between driving in golf and driving a car?
A. When you’re driving a car, you don’t want to hit anything.

Q. How many golfers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. FORE!

Q. Why do golfers hate the game Hearts?
A. Because all they ever get are Clubs!

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