Education Got You Down?

Why was the math book sad?

Because it had so many problems.

Why was the math book sad?

Because it had so many problems.

Told You So

“How do you spell toad?” one of my first-grade students asked.

“We just read a story about a toad,” I said, then helped him spell it out: “T-O-A-D.”

Satisfied, he finished writing the story he’d begun, then read it aloud: “I toad my mama I wanted a dog for my birthday.”

“How do you spell toad?” one of my first-grade students asked. “We just read a story about a toad,” I said, then helped him spell it out: “T-O-A-D.” Satisfied, he…

Ivy League Music

A month after Donald MacDonald started at Harvard, his mother called from Scotland. “And how are the American students, Donald?” she asked.

“They’re so noisy,” he complained. “One neighbor endlessly bangs his head against the wall, while another screams all night.”

“How do you put up with it?”

“I just ignore them and play my bagpipes.”

A month after Donald MacDonald started at Harvard, his mother called from Scotland. “And how are the American students, Donald?” she asked. “They’re so noisy,” he complained. “One neighbor endlessly…

Who Taught You That?

“Give me a sentence about a public servant,” the teacher instructed her second-grade student.
“The fireman came down the ladder pregnant,” he answered.
“Umm … Do you know what pregnant means?”
“Yes,” said the boy. “It means carrying a child.”

Earl B. Child, Roy, Utah

“Give me a sentence about a public servant,” the teacher instructed her second-grade student. “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant,” he answered. “Umm … Do you know what pregnant…

Maturing Process

During my eighth-grade sex education class, no one could answer the question “What happens to a young woman during puberty?” So I rephrased it: “What happens to young women as they mature?”

One student answered: “They start to carry a purse.”

During my eighth-grade sex education class, no one could answer the question “What happens to a young woman during puberty?” So I rephrased it: “What happens to young women as…

Easy Math

Question on second-grade math quiz: “Tony drank 1/6 of a glass of juice. Emily drank 1/4 of a glass of juice. Emily drank more. Explain.”

My grandson’s answer: “She was more thirsty.”

Question on second-grade math quiz: “Tony drank 1/6 of a glass of juice. Emily drank 1/4 of a glass of juice. Emily drank more. Explain.” My grandson’s answer: “She was…

Plagiarism

At a planning meeting at my college, I congratulated a colleague on producing some superb student-guidance notes explaining how to combat plagiarism.

“How long did it take you to write them?” I asked.

“Not long,” he said. “I copied them from another university’s website.”

At a planning meeting at my college, I congratulated a colleague on producing some superb student-guidance notes explaining how to combat plagiarism. “How long did it take you to write…

Happy Trails

When my summer teaching post in the Czech Republic came to an end, I told my students my next teaching destination would be in Australia, “the land down under.” On my final day, they presented me with a card. The carefully worded note read “Good luck, and happy journey to the underworld.”

When my summer teaching post in the Czech Republic came to an end, I told my students my next teaching destination would be in Australia, “the land down under.” On…

True Feelings

During a lecture on the influence of media on teens, a typo in the PowerPoint presentation revealed the professor’s true opinion. The title read “Three Reasons Teens Are Vulnerable Toads.”

During a lecture on the influence of media on teens, a typo in the PowerPoint presentation revealed the professor’s true opinion. The title read “Three Reasons Teens Are Vulnerable Toads.”

Keeping Track

Found in a heap of recycled files donated to our school was this curiously labeled folder: “Excuses I Have Used.”

Found in a heap of recycled files donated to our school was this curiously labeled folder: “Excuses I Have Used.”

A Good Choice

There was a typo on a test I was taking. Instead of “(D) none of the above,” it said “(D) one of the above.” So I circled it.

There was a typo on a test I was taking. Instead of “(D) none of the above,” it said “(D) one of the above.” So I circled it.

Fun Class

Seen outside a professor’s door at Georgetown College: “Psychology 376: Dying, Grieving, and Coping. Take for your major or minor, or as a fun elective.”

Seen outside a professor’s door at Georgetown College: “Psychology 376: Dying, Grieving, and Coping. Take for your major or minor, or as a fun elective.”

Little Problems

Our school had just installed a new air-conditioning system, and a representative from the company wanted to make sure it was running smoothly. Poking his head into an empty classroom, he asked the teacher, “Any little problems here?”

“No,” she said, smiling. “All our little problems have gone home.”

Our school had just installed a new air-conditioning system, and a representative from the company wanted to make sure it was running smoothly. Poking his head into an empty classroom,…

Textbook

Discovered: why our nation’s education system is in trouble. When a friend delivered 20 new math books to a teacher’s classroom, the teacher exclaimed, “Oh, shoot! I was hoping it was something I could use.”

Discovered: why our nation’s education system is in trouble. When a friend delivered 20 new math books to a teacher’s classroom, the teacher exclaimed, “Oh, shoot! I was hoping it…

Literacy Testing

My son, a high school senior, went to take a national literacy test recently. A sign on the classroom door read “Literacy Testing in Progress: Do Not Distrub!”

My son, a high school senior, went to take a national literacy test recently. A sign on the classroom door read “Literacy Testing in Progress: Do Not Distrub!”

Evangelist

Teacher: What is an evangelist?

Student: Someone who plays the evangelo.

Teacher: What is an evangelist?

Student: Someone who plays the evangelo.

Fishing

Teacher: Why can’t freshwater fish live in salt water?

Student: The salt would give them high blood pressure.

Teacher: Why can’t freshwater fish live in salt water?

Student: The salt would give them high blood pressure.

Library Time

Teacher: Mira went to the library at 5:15 and left at 6:45. How long was Mira at the library?

Student: Not long.

Teacher: Mira went to the library at 5:15 and left at 6:45. How long was Mira at the library?

Student: Not long.

Well Wishers

For 98 percent of the students at the school where my wife teaches, English is a second language. But that didn’t stop them from giving her Christmas cards. Still, their enthusiasm for the occasion sometimes exceeded their grasp of English. Among the many cards that flooded her desk were: “Happy Birthday, Grandma,” “Get Well Soon,” and “Congratulations on Passing Your Driving Test!”

For 98 percent of the students at the school where my wife teaches, English is a second language. But that didn’t stop them from giving her Christmas cards. Still, their…

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