Old Fashioned

My girlfriend walked out on me for being too old fashioned.

I thought we had good alchemy.

My girlfriend walked out on me for being too old fashioned.

I thought we had good alchemy.

The Easy Way Up

My wife always prefers the stairs, whereas I always like to take the elevator.

I guess we are raised differently.

My wife always prefers the stairs, whereas I always like to take the elevator.

I guess we are raised differently.

High Temperatures

After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt.

Turns out she felt the same way.

So I turned on the air conditioning.

After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt.

Turns out she felt the same way.

So I turned on the air conditioning.

The Car Got Us Here

The couples therapist said, “So, tell me what brings you here today?”

My wife said, “It’s really difficult to live with him. He’s so literal.”

I said, “My truck.”

The couples therapist said, “So, tell me what brings you here today?” My wife said, “It’s really difficult to live with him. He’s so literal.” I said, “My truck.”

Milking Time

My wife won’t stop complaining about how long she spends breast-pumping for our new son.

She’s really milking it for all it’s worth.

My wife won’t stop complaining about how long she spends breast-pumping for our new son.

She’s really milking it for all it’s worth.

Not Mutual

I once fell in love with a girl who only knew 4 vowels.

She didn’t know I existed.

I once fell in love with a girl who only knew 4 vowels.

She didn’t know I existed.

How the Tables Have Turned

I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture.

But when I got home the tables were turned.

I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture.

But when I got home the tables were turned.

Husband on the Phone

I rang the doctor and said, “Quick! My pregnant wife’s going into labor, what should I do?”

He said, “Is this her first child?”

I said, “No, this is her husband.”

I rang the doctor and said, “Quick! My pregnant wife’s going into labor, what should I do?” He said, “Is this her first child?” I said, “No, this is her…

Apology Not Accepted

My wife apologized for the first time ever today.

She said she’s sorry she ever married me.

My wife apologized for the first time ever today.

She said she’s sorry she ever married me.

A Date Every Year

Not to brag, but I already have a date for Valentines Day.

February 14th.

Not to brag, but I already have a date for Valentines Day.

February 14th.

Cheap Spouse

My wife keeps telling me that I’m the cheapest person she has ever met in her life.

I’m not buying it.

My wife keeps telling me that I’m the cheapest person she has ever met in her life.

I’m not buying it.

What She’s Always Wanted

Last night, I gave my girlfriend a medieval battle uniform to polish while I went to the bar…

She always said she wanted a night in, shining armor.

Last night, I gave my girlfriend a medieval battle uniform to polish while I went to the bar…

She always said she wanted a night in, shining armor.

Still a Kid

I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it. I think…

Bigger Frame

My wife says that I wasted money by ordering a 3-meter wide frame for our wedding photo.

Well, I think she should look at the bigger picture.

My wife says that I wasted money by ordering a 3-meter wide frame for our wedding photo.

Well, I think she should look at the bigger picture.

Let Him Go

Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes…

You need to let that mango.

Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes…

You need to let that mango.

Bubbly Romance

I gave my date a bottle of tonic water.

Schwepped her off her feet.

I gave my date a bottle of tonic water.

Schwepped her off her feet.

Snooping Spouse

My wife thinks I don’t respect her privacy enough.

At least, that’s what it says in her diary.

My wife thinks I don’t respect her privacy enough.

At least, that’s what it says in her diary.

Video Game Relationship

My girlfriend said to me last night, “You treat our relationship like some kind of game!”

Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance.

My girlfriend said to me last night, “You treat our relationship like some kind of game!”

Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance.

New Outfit

My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with wearing different clothes every half an hour.

I said, “Wait, I can change.”

My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with wearing different clothes every half an hour.

I said, “Wait, I can change.”

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