February 17, 2012 · 9:23 pm

What do you mean?

A horse walks into a bar and sits down. After a few minutes he is chatting with everyone around him, telling jokes and stories. Soon he is buying everyone drinks and everyone is telling him how much they love him. Eventually the bartender asks “are you OK, buddy?” The horse says “never better!” Bartender says “Then why the long face?”

Thank you Uncle Kenny for this sneaky one. Although it appears on the face of it to be a double entendre, it’s a triple: “long face” meaning 1) shape of a horse’s head, 2) the vernacular for sad or 3) sober. Subtle.

February 15, 2012 · 10:45 pm

We don’t serve…here.

A chicken walks into a bar. The bartender says “We don’t serve poultry!” The chicken replies “That’s ok. I just want a drink.”

Thank you Trish for this excellent contribution (comment). This is a great example of the “…we don’t serve” category. The category has many variations in the answer including the you misunderstand response exemplified in Trish’s contribution. Others include the I’m not response and Trish makes me think of a good version, which I will add to this post help get the ball rolling. Please feel free to contribute(comment) your favorites. As always, I will add them to the posts.

Three ropes walk into a bar and sit down at a table. No server comes for a long time. The first rope, tired of waiting, goes to the bar. The bartender comes up to the rope and says “are you a rope? Because we don’t serve your kind here.” Shaken, the rope returns to the table and nervously tells the other ropes “they don’t like ropes here, we should leave now.” Peeved, the second rope belly’s up to the bar. Seeing another rope, the bartender comes over and hostilely says “are you a rope, because if you are a rope, we don’t serve your kind in here.” Scared, the rope returns to the table and says “we better get out of here.” Thoughtfully, the third rope reaches above his head and starts to pull down each individuals strand one at a time. When finished, he strolls up to the bar. Tired of them, the bartender comes over threateningly and says “Are you a rope, because if you are a rope, we don’t serve your kind here.” “I’m afraid not,” replies the rope.

February 15, 2012 · 10:33 pm

That’s not what I meant.

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. He tells the bartender that the newt’s name is Tiny. “Why would you name him Tiny?” asks the bartender. “Because he’s my newt!”

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” – George Bernard Shaw.

February 12, 2012 · 12:09 am

A…walks into a bar

A … walks into a bar is a joke genre going back to the stone-age when a scotch rocks was literal. The appeal of the form is its staccato rhythm, brevity and wit. While the structure constrains the delivery, it provides for a mad-lib of subjects, from the animal kingdom, plants and vegetables, household items, to priests and rabies, even Mother Teresa. It is the haiku of humor and perfect combination of the surreal and inebriation.

The canonical “…walks into a bar” collection is beyond the scope of this forum. Or is it? Next time you are at the bar and a duck walks in and says “have you heard any good jokes lately?” you can say “I was just talking about you.” Carefully listen to everything the duck and the bartender say and immediately add it to the comments on this blog. I will collect your wit and post it. Thank you. Now go to the bar.

The most difficult …walks into a bar joke I know of is: A duck walks into a bar, the bartender looks at the duck, says to the duck “hey! Your pants are down.” Very few people get this right away, most never get it. I love it because I was lucky enough to get it right away and I can be smug. I also like the puzzled face when I tell it to a person for the first time.

What’s your favorite “…walks into a bar” joke?