A man is sitting at the bar completely shitfaced when he pukes down of the front of his shirt.
“Oh, my God! Oh, my God!”, he slurs, “My wife is gonna kill me!”
The bartender, seeing the man in distress steps over and asks what the problem is.
“You, you, you…don’t understand. My, my, my wife just bought me this shirt and its verr, verr, very expensive.”
The bartender, having some expertise in this area, asks the man if he has a $10 bill. He says that he does, and the bartender continues.
“Here’s what you do. You take that $10 and put it in your shirt pocket. When your wife asks what happened, that’s when you take out the $10 and explain to her the guy next to you threw up on you and gave you the money to get it dry cleaned.
The man staggers home and sure enough, Broomhilde is waiting for him at the door and, noticing the chunkage running down her husband’s shirt is, as predicted, indeed pissed.
The man launches into his pre-rehearsed speech,
“Wait, wait…this wasn’t my fault. I can explaaain…” At this point he pulls two $10 dollar bills out of his pocket and waves them at his wife before continuing.
“It was the guy next to me. It’s his puke and he gave me $10 to get it dry cleaned.
The wife almost went for it but asked him about the other $10 bill.
“Oh, that”, he replied, “He also took a shit in my pants!”