1 – One day, Bill and Tom went to a
restaurant for
dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks…
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2 – When the waitress in a
New York City restaurant brought
him the soup du jour, the Englishman
w…
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3 – And what’s your name?” the
secretary asked
the next new boy. “Butter.” “I hope your first
name…
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4 – A
couple of kids tried using pickles for a
Ping-Pong game. They had the
volley of the Dills….
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5 – WIFE: The 2 things I cook best
are meatloaf
and apple pie.
HUSBAND: Which is this?…
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6 – What’s red and green and wears
boxing
gloves?
A fruit punch….
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7 – Q: What do you call cheese that’s not
yours?
A: Nacho cheese!…
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8 – What cheese is made
backwards?
Edam….
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9 – A man
went into a deli shop and took a seat
at the lunch counter. “Give me a
corned beef sandw…
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10 – A customer was bothering the waiter in a
restaurant.
First, he asked that the air conditioning b…
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11 – A customer was bothering the
waiter in a
restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning b…
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12 – An elderly couple were killed in an accident and
found themselves
being given a tour of heaven b…
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13 – An elderly couple were killed in an
accident
and found themselves being given a tour of heaven b…
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14 – In February 1994 in New Brighton, Minn., a
32-year-old man and his 24-year-old girlfriend were a…
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15 – At a dinner party, one
of the guests, an
obnoxiously loud young
man, tried to make clever rema…
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16 – An
irate woman burst into the baker’s shop
and said, “I sent my son in for
two pounds of cooki…
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17 – A friend and I were standing in line at a
fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.
T…
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18 – A fat girl went into a cafe and ordered
two
slices of apple pie with four scoops of ice cream co…
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19 – Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to
eat?
Father: Have I not told you never to mention suc…
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20 – The
American tourist in Dublin had been
complaining a great deal about the
food.
“Here,” h…
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21 – I went to see my doctor to see if he could help
me give up smoking.
What did he say?
He sugg…
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22 – A family of three tomatoes
were walking
downtown one day when the little baby tomato started
l…
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23 – A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown
one day when the little baby tomato started lag…
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24 – A lady was picking through the
frozen turkeys
at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big en…
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25 – At a party, a conjurer was producing egg after
egg from a little
boy’s ear.
“There!” he said p…
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26 – Several women were discussing what they should
have for
dinner. “If you’re watching your weight,…
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27 – First boy: She had a beautiful pair of eyes, her
skin
had the glow of a peach, her cheeks were l…
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28 – “May I take your order?” the waiter asked.
“Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?”
“Nothing s…
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29 – Did you hear about the teacher who was trying to
instil good table manners in her girls?
She t…
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30 – Mom: Fred, there were two chocolate cakes in the
larder yesterday, and now there’s only one. Why…
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31 – What are the four food groups?
For
bachelors: Fast, Frozen, Junk and Spoiled.
For drinkers: Ma…
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32 – Fred: I thought there was a choice for lunch
today. .
Cook: There is.
Fred: No, there isn’t. T…
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33 – WIFE: “You look tired, honey. How about a
nice steak, mashed potatoes and an apple pie for desse…
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34 – What could you do if you were on a
desert
island without food or water?
Open your watch: drink…
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35 – Three cookies were crossing the road when the
first one was knocked down. What did the third coo…
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36 – A tourist walked into a fish and chip shop in
Ireland. “I’ll have fish and chips twice,” he orde…
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37 – Two flies were on a cornflakes packet. “Why are
we running so fast?” asked one.
“Because,” sai…
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38 – Two flies were on a cornflakes packet. “Why are
we running so
fast?” asked one.
“Because,” sai…
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39 – If there were no food left, what could people
do?
Country people could eat their forest preserves…
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40 – Flo: Try some of my sponge cake.
Joe: It’s a
bit tough.
Flo: That’s strange. I only bought the…
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41 – What’s the difference between a biscuit and a
monster?
You can dip a biscuit in your tea, but a…
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42 – Girl: Did you like that cake, Mrs Jones?
Mrs
Jones: Yes, very much.
Girl: That’s funny. My mom…
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43 – Fred! What did I say I’d do if I found
you
with your fingers in the butter again?
That’s funny…
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44 – Boy: What’s black, slimy,
with hairy legs
and eyes on stalks?
Mom: Eat the cookies and don’t w…
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45 – Don’t eat the cookies so fast they’ll keep.
I know, but I want to eat as many as I can before I…
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46 – How does a witch make scrambled eggs?
She
holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove s…
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47 – What did the snake say when he was offered a
piece of
cheese for dinner?
Thank you, I’ll just…
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48 – Jimmy, how many more times must I tell you to
come
away from that cookie tin?
No more, mom. It…
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49 – How can you tell the
difference between a can
of chicken soup and a can of tomato soup?
Read t…
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50 – Q: Ever wonder
about people who pay $2 for a
bottle of Evian water?
A: Just spell “Evian” bac…
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51 – My Aunt Maud had so many candles
on her last
birthday cake that all her party guests got sunburn…
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52 – Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a
slice
of bread.
Doctor: You’ve got to stop loafing aroun…
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53 – Teacher: If you saw me standing by a witch, what
fruit
would it remind you of?
Pupil: A pear….
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54 – Camper: There’s
something wrong with my hot
dog.
Cook: Don’t tell me. I’m not a veterinarian….
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55 – What happens
if you play tabletennis with a
bad egg?
First it goes ping, then it goes pong….
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56 – What’s the difference between a homeless and a
pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four….
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57 – How do you know that a elephant’s been in the
fridge?
There are foot prints in the butter. “…
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58 – What’s the difference between a vampire
and
a cookie?
You can’t dip a vampire in your tea….
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59 – What do you get if you cross a bee with a quarter
of a pound of ground beef?
A humburger….
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60 – What did the female mushroom say
about the
male mushroom?
“He’s a real fun guy [fungi].”…
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61 – Q. What’s worse
than finding a worm in the
apple you’re eating?
A. Finding half a worm….
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62 – Why can’t you make bread like my mother?
I
would if you could make dough like your father!…
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63 – I thought you were trying to get into shape?
I
am. The shape I’ve selected is a triangle….
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64 – My brother’s on a seafood
diet.
Really?
Yes, the more he sees food the more he eats….
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65 – On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker
under the pancakes. She blew her stack….
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66 – Mummy! Mummy! Have you seen my Cabbage Patch
Doll?
Be quiet and finish your coleslaw!…
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67 – Knock Knock
Who’s there !
Butter
!
Butter who ?
Butter wrap up – it’s cold out here !…
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68 – A new chef from India
was fired a week after
starting the job. He keep favoring curry….
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69 – Why did the teacher have
her hair in a bun?
Because she had her nose in a hamburger….
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70 – Q: What did one strawberry say to the
other?
A:”Look at the jam you’ve gotten us into!”…
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71 – Why did your brother give up his job in the
biscuit factory?
Because he went crackers….
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72 – Have you got any broken
biscuits?
Yes, I
have.
Well, you shouldn’t be so clumsy!…
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73 – Say something soft and sweet to me. Dracula:
Marshmallows,
chocolate fudge cake……
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74 – What is the title of the new Vietnamamese
cookbook ?
100 way to wok your dog….
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75 – Knock Knock
Who’s there !
Bacon !
Bacon
who ?
Bacon a cake for your birthday !…
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76 – Fred wrote in her homework book: Margarine is
butter made from imitation cows….
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77 – Why are fried onions like a photocopy machine?
They keep repeating themselves….
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78 – Did
you hear about the two peanuts walking in
the woods?
One was “a-salted.”…
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79 – Knock Knock
Who’s there !
Bean !
Bean
who ?
Bean working very hard today !…
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80 – What did the ice cream say
to the unhappy
cake?
“Hey, what’s eating you?”…
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81 – The snack bar next door to an
atom smasher
was called “The Fission Chips.”…
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82 – A friend got some vinegar in his ear, now he
suffers from pickled hearing….
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83 – What did the biscuit say when it
saw two
friends knocked down?
Crumbs!…
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84 – What’s the fastest cake in the world?
Meriiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnngue….
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85 – What do you call an egg from outer space?
An
unidentified flying omelet!…
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86 – I’d say he was spineless.
Yes, about as
spineless as cooked spaghetti….
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87 – What sort of soup do
skeletons like?
One
with plenty of body in it….
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88 – Why did the biscuit cry?
Because its mother
had been a wafer so long….
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89 – Have you heard the story about the
loaf of
bread?
No.
Oh, crumbs….
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90 – What do you get if you cross an alien and a
hot drink ?
Gravi-tea !…
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91 – Q:
What what can you make from baked beans
and onions?
A: Tear gas….
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92 – Q. What did the salt say to the pepper?
A. Hey
Baby, what’s SHAKING!…
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93 – Why did the grape cross the road?
To get
away from the grapefruit….
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94 – They say she has a sharp tongue.
Yes, she can
slice bread with it….
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95 – Do you feel like a glass of carrot juice?
Why? Do I look like one?…
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96 – Would you like a duck egg for supper?
Only if
you quack it for me….
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97 – When Lee ate raw onions for a week what did he
become?
Lone Lee….
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98 – Q.Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
A. He
was feeling crummy!…
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99 – Knock Knock
Who’s there !
Beef !
Beef
who ?
Beef fair now !…
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100 – What looks just
like half a loaf of bread?
Its other half….
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101 – What do you call two
rows of cabbages ?
A
dual cabbageway !…
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102 – Why are oranges like bells?
You can peel
(peal) both of them….
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103 – The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and
Chocolate….
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104 – Overweight is something that just sort of
snacks up on you….
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105 – How can you make a soup rich?
Add 14 carrots
(carats) to it….
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106 – What food are you able to can?
Cannibal (can
able) food….
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107 – What is small, furry and smells like bacon?
A
hamster….
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108 – What ghost is handy in the
kitchen?
A
recipe spook….
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109 – What
cake wanted to rule the world?
Attila the Bun….
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110 – What musical instrument goes with cheese?
Picklelo….
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111 – Sign in restaurant window: “Eat now – Pay
waiter.”…
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112 – What do cannibals eat for breakfast?
Buttered
host….
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113 – What’s a fresh vegetable? One that insults a
farmer….
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114 – Q: What do you call a
fake noodle?
A: An
Impasta….
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115 – How do you make gold soup?
Put 14 carrots in
it….
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116 – What food is good for the brain?
Noodle
soup….
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117 – What’s the best day to eat bacon?
Fry-day….
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118 – What’s red and invisible?
No
tomatoes….
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119 – What vegetable needs a plumber?
A leek….
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120 – What’s a doll’s favorite food?
Barbie-Q!…
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