1 – One day, Bill and Tom went to a
dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks…
2 – When the waitress in a
New York City restaurant brought
him the soup du jour, the Englishman
3 – And what’s your name?” the
the next new boy. “Butter.” “I hope your first
4 – A
couple of kids tried using pickles for a
Ping-Pong game. They had the
volley of the Dills….
5 – WIFE: The 2 things I cook best
and apple pie.
HUSBAND: Which is this?…
6 – What’s red and green and wears
A fruit punch….
7 – Q: What do you call cheese that’s not
A: Nacho cheese!…
8 – What cheese is made
9 – A man
went into a deli shop and took a seat
at the lunch counter. “Give me a
corned beef sandw…
10 – A customer was bothering the waiter in a
First, he asked that the air conditioning b…
11 – A customer was bothering the
waiter in a
restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning b…
12 – An elderly couple were killed in an accident and
being given a tour of heaven b…
13 – An elderly couple were killed in an
and found themselves being given a tour of heaven b…
14 – In February 1994 in New Brighton, Minn., a
32-year-old man and his 24-year-old girlfriend were a…
15 – At a dinner party, one
of the guests, an
obnoxiously loud young
man, tried to make clever rema…
16 – An
irate woman burst into the baker’s shop
and said, “I sent my son in for
two pounds of cooki…
17 – A friend and I were standing in line at a
fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.
18 – A fat girl went into a cafe and ordered
slices of apple pie with four scoops of ice cream co…
19 – Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to
Father: Have I not told you never to mention suc…
20 – The
American tourist in Dublin had been
complaining a great deal about the
21 – I went to see my doctor to see if he could help
me give up smoking.
What did he say?
22 – A family of three tomatoes
downtown one day when the little baby tomato started
23 – A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown
one day when the little baby tomato started lag…
24 – A lady was picking through the
at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big en…
25 – At a party, a conjurer was producing egg after
egg from a little
“There!” he said p…
26 – Several women were discussing what they should
dinner. “If you’re watching your weight,…
27 – First boy: She had a beautiful pair of eyes, her
had the glow of a peach, her cheeks were l…
28 – “May I take your order?” the waiter asked.
“Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?”
29 – Did you hear about the teacher who was trying to
instil good table manners in her girls?
30 – Mom: Fred, there were two chocolate cakes in the
larder yesterday, and now there’s only one. Why…
31 – What are the four food groups?
bachelors: Fast, Frozen, Junk and Spoiled.
For drinkers: Ma…
32 – Fred: I thought there was a choice for lunch
Cook: There is.
Fred: No, there isn’t. T…
33 – WIFE: “You look tired, honey. How about a
nice steak, mashed potatoes and an apple pie for desse…
34 – What could you do if you were on a
island without food or water?
Open your watch: drink…
35 – Three cookies were crossing the road when the
first one was knocked down. What did the third coo…
36 – A tourist walked into a fish and chip shop in
Ireland. “I’ll have fish and chips twice,” he orde…
37 – Two flies were on a cornflakes packet. “Why are
we running so fast?” asked one.
38 – Two flies were on a cornflakes packet. “Why are
we running so
fast?” asked one.
39 – If there were no food left, what could people
Country people could eat their forest preserves…
40 – Flo: Try some of my sponge cake.
Joe: It’s a
Flo: That’s strange. I only bought the…
41 – What’s the difference between a biscuit and a
You can dip a biscuit in your tea, but a…
42 – Girl: Did you like that cake, Mrs Jones?
Jones: Yes, very much.
Girl: That’s funny. My mom…
43 – Fred! What did I say I’d do if I found
with your fingers in the butter again?
44 – Boy: What’s black, slimy,
with hairy legs
and eyes on stalks?
Mom: Eat the cookies and don’t w…
45 – Don’t eat the cookies so fast they’ll keep.
I know, but I want to eat as many as I can before I…
46 – How does a witch make scrambled eggs?
holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove s…
47 – What did the snake say when he was offered a
cheese for dinner?
Thank you, I’ll just…
48 – Jimmy, how many more times must I tell you to
away from that cookie tin?
No more, mom. It…
49 – How can you tell the
difference between a can
of chicken soup and a can of tomato soup?
50 – Q: Ever wonder
about people who pay $2 for a
bottle of Evian water?
A: Just spell “Evian” bac…
51 – My Aunt Maud had so many candles
on her last
birthday cake that all her party guests got sunburn…
52 – Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a
Doctor: You’ve got to stop loafing aroun…
53 – Teacher: If you saw me standing by a witch, what
would it remind you of?
Pupil: A pear….
54 – Camper: There’s
something wrong with my hot
Cook: Don’t tell me. I’m not a veterinarian….
55 – What happens
if you play tabletennis with a
First it goes ping, then it goes pong….
56 – What’s the difference between a homeless and a
A pizza can feed a family of four….
57 – How do you know that a elephant’s been in the
There are foot prints in the butter. “…
58 – What’s the difference between a vampire
You can’t dip a vampire in your tea….
59 – What do you get if you cross a bee with a quarter
of a pound of ground beef?
60 – What did the female mushroom say
“He’s a real fun guy [fungi].”…
61 – Q. What’s worse
than finding a worm in the
apple you’re eating?
A. Finding half a worm….
62 – Why can’t you make bread like my mother?
would if you could make dough like your father!…
63 – I thought you were trying to get into shape?
am. The shape I’ve selected is a triangle….
64 – My brother’s on a seafood
Yes, the more he sees food the more he eats….
65 – On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker
under the pancakes. She blew her stack….
66 – Mummy! Mummy! Have you seen my Cabbage Patch
Be quiet and finish your coleslaw!…
67 – Knock Knock
Who’s there !
Butter who ?
Butter wrap up – it’s cold out here !…
68 – A new chef from India
was fired a week after
starting the job. He keep favoring curry….
69 – Why did the teacher have
her hair in a bun?
Because she had her nose in a hamburger….
70 – Q: What did one strawberry say to the
A:”Look at the jam you’ve gotten us into!”…
71 – Why did your brother give up his job in the
Because he went crackers….
72 – Have you got any broken
Well, you shouldn’t be so clumsy!…
73 – Say something soft and sweet to me. Dracula:
chocolate fudge cake……
74 – What is the title of the new Vietnamamese
100 way to wok your dog….
75 – Knock Knock
Who’s there !
Bacon a cake for your birthday !…
76 – Fred wrote in her homework book: Margarine is
butter made from imitation cows….
77 – Why are fried onions like a photocopy machine?
They keep repeating themselves….
78 – Did
you hear about the two peanuts walking in
One was “a-salted.”…
79 – Knock Knock
Who’s there !
Bean working very hard today !…
80 – What did the ice cream say
to the unhappy
“Hey, what’s eating you?”…
81 – The snack bar next door to an
was called “The Fission Chips.”…
82 – A friend got some vinegar in his ear, now he
suffers from pickled hearing….
83 – What did the biscuit say when it
friends knocked down?
84 – What’s the fastest cake in the world?
85 – What do you call an egg from outer space?
unidentified flying omelet!…
86 – I’d say he was spineless.
Yes, about as
spineless as cooked spaghetti….
87 – What sort of soup do
with plenty of body in it….
88 – Why did the biscuit cry?
Because its mother
had been a wafer so long….
89 – Have you heard the story about the
90 – What do you get if you cross an alien and a
hot drink ?
91 – Q:
What what can you make from baked beans
A: Tear gas….
92 – Q. What did the salt say to the pepper?
Baby, what’s SHAKING!…
93 – Why did the grape cross the road?
away from the grapefruit….
94 – They say she has a sharp tongue.
Yes, she can
slice bread with it….
95 – Do you feel like a glass of carrot juice?
Why? Do I look like one?…
96 – Would you like a duck egg for supper?
you quack it for me….
97 – When Lee ate raw onions for a week what did he
98 – Q.Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
was feeling crummy!…
99 – Knock Knock
Who’s there !
Beef fair now !…
100 – What looks just
like half a loaf of bread?
Its other half….
101 – What do you call two
rows of cabbages ?
dual cabbageway !…
102 – Why are oranges like bells?
You can peel
(peal) both of them….
103 – The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and
104 – Overweight is something that just sort of
snacks up on you….
105 – How can you make a soup rich?
Add 14 carrots
(carats) to it….
106 – What food are you able to can?
107 – What is small, furry and smells like bacon?
108 – What ghost is handy in the
109 – What
cake wanted to rule the world?
Attila the Bun….
110 – What musical instrument goes with cheese?
111 – Sign in restaurant window: “Eat now – Pay
112 – What do cannibals eat for breakfast?
113 – What’s a fresh vegetable? One that insults a
114 – Q: What do you call a
115 – How do you make gold soup?
Put 14 carrots in
116 – What food is good for the brain?
117 – What’s the best day to eat bacon?
118 – What’s red and invisible?
119 – What vegetable needs a plumber?
120 – What’s a doll’s favorite food?