I love bar jokes. It probably stems from the first joke I can remember, which was a bar joke:

The toothless termite walked into a bar and asked, “Where’s the bar tender?”

I didn’t say it was a good joke, I said it was a bar joke.

And it brings me to the subject of bar food.

Back in the day, bars gave away free food–pickled eggs, pretzels, peanuts, crackers, even rolled oysters. They all had at least two of three things in common: they were cheap, they were salty, they were dry.

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to see the logic in that. Imagine, if you will, the delight of learning that, not only will these foods make one’s customers more thirsty–the customers are willing to pay to be made thirsty! They will pay for what you’ve been giving away for free!

Now, since this is Fatal Foodies and I am me, let us suppose we have a character who dislikes another character. We want him good and drunk. So we take him to a bar and ply him with dry and salty foods. Before he knows it, he’s pie-eyed. We can do whatever we want with him! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-haaaaa!

And, if that doesn’t work, we can kill him with bad bar jokes, like:

The three-legged dog walked into a bar and said, “I’m a-lookin’ fer the man that shot my paw.”