A Denver Broncos’ fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Mile High Stadium, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was.
The guy said, “Yes, that’s my wife’s seat. We have never missed a game since the Craig Morton days, but now my wife is dead.”
The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad that he couldn’t find some relative to give the ticket to and enjoy the game together.
“Oh no.” the guy said. “They’re all at the funeral.”
A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender said, “Sorry. No pets allowed.”
The man replied, “This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you’ll see.” The bartender, anxious to see what will happen, turned on the game.The guy said, “Watch. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips.” The Jets keep scoring field goals and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.”Wow! That’s one hell of a dog you got there. What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?”The man replied, “I don’t know. I’ve only had him for seven years!”
Recently, a college football lineman married one of the team’s cheerleaders.
The coach was a bit suprised and remarked to his star football player, “You are such a big, burley guy. Why in the world did you marry such a tiny, petite woman? She is no bigger than your hand.””That’s right, Coach,” replied the lineman, “but she’s much better!”
Two boys were playing football in Golden Gate Park when one was attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog’s collar and twists, breaking the dog’s neck.
A reporter who was walking by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. “Forty Niners’ fan saves friend from vicious animal,” he starts writing in his notebook.
“But, I’m not a Niners’ fan,” the boy replied.
“Oakland Raiders’ fan rescues friend from horrific attack,” the reporter starts again.
“No, I’m not a Raiders’ fan either,” the boy said.
“Then what are you?” the reporter asked.
“I’m a Cowboys’ fan.” replied the boy.
The reporter turns to a new sheet in his notebook and writes, “Redneck bastard kills family pet.”
A woman is picked up by Dennis Rodman in a bar. They like each other and she goes back with him to his hotel room. He removes his shirt revealing all his tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which reads, “Reebok.” She thinks that is a bit odd and asks him about it.
Dennis says, “When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for advertisement.” A bit later, his pants are off and she sees “Puma” tattooed on his leg. He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, the underwear comes off and she sees the word “AIDS” tattooed on his penis. She jumps back with shock.
“I’m not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!”
He says, “It’s cool baby. In a minute it’s going to say ‘ADIDAS’.”