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An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol

An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol

It Ain’t Duff.

Q: What’s Homer Simpson’s least favorite style of beer?

A: Flanders Red Ale.

Q: What’s Homer Simpson’s least favorite style of beer?

A: Flanders Red Ale.

Served In A Chilled, Wooly Mug.

Q: What’s a shepherd’s favorite style of beer?

A: Lambic.

Q: What’s a shepherd’s favorite style of beer?

A: Lambic.

Johann Sebastian Barkeep

Q: What’s a composer’s favorite style of beer?

A: Bock.

Q: What’s a composer’s favorite style of beer?

A: Bock.

CVS Bar & Grill

Q: What’s a pharmacist’s favorite style of beer?

A: Pilsner.

-By Sam Benson Smith-

Q: What’s a pharmacist’s favorite style of beer?

A: Pilsner.

-By Sam Benson Smith-

An Old Guy Walks Into…

An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. “You’ve got to be kidding,” he said. “I’m almost 60 years old.” The bartender apologized, but said he had to see the license. The guy showed his ID, then paid and told the bartender to keep the change. “The tip’s for carding me,” he said. The bartender put the change in the tip cup. “Thanks,” he said. “Works every time.”

An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. “You’ve got to be kidding,” he said. “I’m almost 60 years old.” The bartender apologized, but said…

A Lizard Walks Into…

A lizard walks into a bar pushing a baby in a stroller. “What’s your kid’s name?” asks the bartender. “Tiny,” says the lizard. “Because he’s my newt.”

A lizard walks into a bar pushing a baby in a stroller. “What’s your kid’s name?” asks the bartender. “Tiny,” says the lizard. “Because he’s my newt.”

Fishing For Whiskey

“Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

From A Prairie Home Companion

“Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink….

Adding Insult to Introduction

Some Texans are mingling at the bar when an Oxford graduate walks in. “Howdy, stranger,” one Texan says. “Where are you from?”

The Oxford graduate answers, “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences in prepositions.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” replies the Texan. “Where are you from, jackass?”

Some Texans are mingling at the bar when an Oxford graduate walks in. “Howdy, stranger,” one Texan says. “Where are you from?” The Oxford graduate answers, “I come from a…

Infinitely Many Mathematicians…

Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first says, “I’ll have a beer.”
The second says, “I’ll have half a beer.”
The third says, “I’ll have a quarter of a beer.”
Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them. “Come on, now,” he says to the group, “You guys have got to learn your limits.”

Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, “I’ll have a beer.” The second says, “I’ll have half a beer.” The third says, “I’ll have a quarter of…

An Amnesiac Walks Into…

An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?”

An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?”

Gimme a White Russian, Hold The Russian.

At an all-you-can-eat buffet, my nine-year-old was excited to find a chocolate milk machine. But her aunt did not approve. “Chocolate milk for dinner?” she asked.

“It’s delicious!” said my daughter.

Her aunt shrugged. “Well, its 8 a.m. somewhere.”

Nichole Vikdal, Yucca Valley, California

At an all-you-can-eat buffet, my nine-year-old was excited to find a chocolate milk machine. But her aunt did not approve. “Chocolate milk for dinner?” she asked. “It’s delicious!” said my…

You Look so Familiar…

The barman says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”

A time traveler walks into a bar.

The barman says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”

A time traveler walks into a bar.

A Penguin Walks Into…

A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the bartender, “Have you seen my brother?”

The bartender says, “I don’t know. What does he look like?”

A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the bartender, “Have you seen my brother?”

The bartender says, “I don’t know. What does he look like?”

A Panda Walks Into…

A panda walks into a bar and gobbles some beer nuts. Then he pulls out a gun, fires it in the air, and heads for the door. “Hey!” shouts the bartender, but the panda yells back, “I’m a panda. Google me!” Sure enough, panda: “A tree-climbing mammal with distinct black-and-white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”

A panda walks into a bar and gobbles some beer nuts. Then he pulls out a gun, fires it in the air, and heads for the door. “Hey!” shouts the…

A Horse Walks Into…

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey.”

The horse says, “You read my mind, buddy.”

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey.”

The horse says, “You read my mind, buddy.”

Two Men Walk Into…

Two men walk into a bar. You’d think at least one of them would have ducked.

Two men walk into a bar. You’d think at least one of them would have ducked.

Two Cartons of Yogurt…

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who is a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, “We don’t serve your kind in here.” One of the yogurt cartons says to him, “Why not? We’re cultured individuals.”

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who is a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, “We don’t serve your kind in here.” One of the…

This Cowboy Walks Into…

This cowboy walks into a bar and orders a beer. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper, his shirt and vest are made of waxed paper, and his chaps, pants, and boots are made of tissue paper. Pretty soon they arrest him for rustling.

This cowboy walks into a bar and orders a beer. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper, his shirt and vest are made of waxed paper, and his chaps,…

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