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Joke of the Day

Andy has…

Andy has 150 candy bars. He eats 125. What does Andy have now? Andy has diabetes now.

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A woman caught her husband…

A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach. “That won’t help you, Joe, you know?” “Oh it helps a lot,” says the man, “it’s the only way I can see the numbers!”

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I was sitting in a bar one day and…

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?” One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!” So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales...

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Please help me doc. I have this horrible blinking…

A guy goes to the doctor: “Please help me doc. I have this horrible blinking in my right eye that I just can’t control.” Doctor: “Ah come on, it’s not so bad as you think.” Guy: “Oh, you think?! Every time I go to the pharmacy to get some painkillers, they give me...

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I’m offering…

A boss announces to his staff: “I’ve lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I’m offering a 100 dollars finder’s fee!” A voice in the background says: “I’m offering 200!”

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I have a very good feeling…

I have a very good feeling about my job interview today. The manager said they were looking for somebody responsible. “You’ve found your man,” I responded, “whenever there was a problem in my last job, they always said that I was responsible!”

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